


Beasts of a Feather

by Kyluxtrashpit (ApostateRevolutionary)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Animal Death, Backstory, Character Study, Fluff, Gen, Kylo Ren Backstory, Kylo Ren-centric, M/M, Mind Meld, Star Wars: Bloodline-compliant, brief oc appearances, kylo ren talks to birds, non-graphic animal death, some fluff at least, tbh that's most of the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 20:32:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9255779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApostateRevolutionary/pseuds/Kyluxtrashpit
Summary: Ben had always preferred the company of animals to people. In that way, at least, Kylo Ren was not so different.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just so you know, the animal death is in the first section and it is brief and non-graphic, but I suspect it could still be upsetting, so please proceed with caution if that's something you are sensitive to

Ben liked the forest. He may not have liked everything about training with Uncle Luke – in fact, there was more to dislike than to like – but he liked the wild woods surrounding the temple. It was quiet there, the type of quiet he thought his uncle was trying to teach him to be. He could hear a stream flowing peacefully in the distance, the buzzing of insects, and the songs of wild birds. If peace was a place, Ben thought this would be it.

A rustling to Ben’s right caught his attention and it scared him for a moment. He dreamt sometimes of a large beast with gnarled claws and sharp teeth jutting out of a mangled face and sickly white, hairless skin finding him in the woods, chasing him down until his legs gave out and then it descended on him, ripping, tearing – and that was usually when he woke up in a panic. Uncle Luke told him not to worry about the dreams; not all dreams where Force-driven and sometimes nightmares were just nightmares. Ben didn’t find that comforting, so he’d simply stopped telling Uncle Luke about them when they happened.

A small ball of fur hopped out of the bush, startling Ben again, out of his thoughts. The tumble bunny sniffed at the ground, nose twitching, wide, prey eyes catching his. Ben wanted to go up to it, to pet it, maybe bring it home as a pet so he’d have something to play with between his lessons, but he forced himself not to move, not wanting to scare the creature. Its three ears were held high, the small animal’s body on alert as it tried to determine what Ben was and if he was a threat.

Ben remained still, just watching, keeping his breathing normal. It was cute, covered in pale blue fur that looked like it’d be so very soft. He started trying to think of a name for the creature, heedless as to whether he could ever win its trust. What did tumble bunnies eat, anyways? Carrots? Grass? Berries? Ben didn’t know, couldn’t remember from any of the holos he’d seen them – he’d have to ask Uncle Luke, if he got the chance.

The bunny took a small hop, closer to Ben, and Ben tried very hard to stow his excitement. He remembered, when he was very little, one of his mother’s friends had had a pet felinx. Ben had chased after the poor thing as soon as he’d seen it, grabbing it by the tail and pulling it towards him in the hopes of giving it a hug. His efforts won him a bleeding hand and a lecture from his mother while he’d cried, explaining that he had to be careful with animals, had to come in slow so as not to scare them. He remembered that, had practiced it with the other pets he’d met before he came here.

There was something else, though, that Ben had now: the Force. Uncle Luke had only taught him the basics so far, how to sense it and feel it, how to reach out and touch what was around him. Ben wondered if he might be able to do that with the bunny, reach out with the Force and tell it Ben wanted to be its friend. Ben slowly, carefully raised a hand, conscious of the way the bunny froze at the movement, assessing, and then he took a deep breath before reaching for the Force, grasping it with his mind, and directing it out.

Ben let calmness and warmth radiate from himself, directing the positive feelings at the creature before him. The bunny stared at him for a moment, nose twitching, still tense, and Ben was sure it wasn’t working. But then it relaxed, its ears drooping, stance dropping into one of ease. The bunny took another hop towards him and Ben gasped, not at having succeeded, but from realizing he could _feel_ the creature in his mind.

There weren’t thoughts, not as Ben had them, but he could feel processes happening in the tiny animal’s mind. The smells and sounds were so much more pronounced, the bunny’s senses being so much stronger. He could feel the rapid, animal heartbeat as if it were his own, the slight breeze in the bunny’s whiskers. It was awe-inspiring, the strength of connection so much more than Ben had managed before. Maybe he was actually getting better, like Uncle Luke wanted him to. Maybe he could bring this bunny home as a pet like he’d first thought and it’d be proof of it.

The bunny took another hop towards him and Ben was too enthralled by the sensation of having four legs instead of two to anticipate what happened next. A flash of feathers and a sudden, shooting pain that was not his own was the first warning he had. The bunny was gone, snatched up by some great bird of prey. Ben stood up, staring off in dismay as he watched the bird fly off with its catch, the bunny struggling where it was speared on the bird’s great talons. Ben could still feel the bunny in his mind, feel the raw, animal fear and the pain, that already fast heartbeat skyrocketing to what Ben was sure would kill him if it had been his.

Ben was too horrified and inexperienced to sever the connection, frozen in place and not knowing what to do, until it broke on its own as the bird finally finished off its prey. Ben remained still, too shocked to do anything, and the sob that escaped his throat caught him by surprise, as did the fat tears rolling down his cheeks. He ran, blindly stumbling through the underbrush, never stopping or slowing until he made it back to the Temple. Once inside, he kept running, crying out for his uncle in distress.

Uncle Luke wrapped him up in a big hug when Ben explained what had happened, stroking over his back. Ben sobbed into his robes, horrified that he may have had a hand in the bunny’s demise – had he not calmed it with the Force, it may have noticed the threat in time to flee – and unable to fully comprehend that he’d just felt what it was like to die through another creature’s mind. Uncle Luke explained that this was the circle of life and even though it was sad, the bird needed to feed its babies, and the bunny’s spirit would fold back into the Force. It was nature, he said, nothing to feel bad about or be afraid of. Fear was a bad thing; he’d always told Ben that.

Ben wanted to be comforted by the words, but they didn’t help the sick feeling in his stomach. Uncle Luke then moved on to praising him for doing so well in connecting with the ill-fated animal and told him they should celebrate, that they’d have that special soup he liked for supper. Ben nodded numbly, still sniffling, and let Uncle Luke take him by the hand and lead him to the dining room.

That night, Ben had the nightmare again, but it didn’t stop where it usually did. His mind, now knowing what death truly felt like, thought it fit to add that detail in. When Ben woke, trembling and crying, he grabbed the nearest stuffed animal he had and curled it close to him, seeking the magical protection and comfort toys provided. He stayed awake the rest of the night, thinking of a blue tumble bunny with a little bow attached to the base of its central ear curled happily in his arms instead.

* * *

As Ben grew older and Luke brought in other students to train, he still preferred the forest to his peers. Despite having lived here the longest, he was somehow the one who didn’t belong. He would’ve said he wasn’t sure why, but, unfortunately, he knew all too well. Ben had a particular talent for mindreading, more so than any of the others or even Luke himself. He did it without even trying, always catching on stray thoughts and feelings that weren’t guarded well enough. The others hated it and eventually started to hate him for it, even though he couldn’t control it. Luke tried to help him, but it was beyond his capacities. He’d overheard Luke telling his mother so on their last holo-call – though whether he’d actually overheard it live or just accidentally found the memory in Luke’s mind, Ben didn’t know.

But the forest didn’t care that Ben had trouble keeping his mind separate from those around him. The trees were just fine with him the way he was, as was the stream, and the animals seemed to welcome his talents. It’d taken him a while to try reaching out again after that first time, but he’d finally tried it again with one of the woodpeckers. Nothing ate woodpeckers, his younger self had figured, so it wasn’t likely to happen again. And, in fact, it hadn’t. Once or twice, he’d even been able to convey a warning, or reach out to the predator in question and suggest it turn to another target.

The other padawans never came here, and Luke only did when he was looking for Ben. Ben had seen others here only once, throwing stones at a bird that had taken shelter in a hollow of a tree. Its distress radiated through the air, disturbing Ben from his comfort nearby, and he’d raced over to the source. Without thinking, he’d thrown the other padawans to the ground with the Force, flinging them several feet. They’d stared at him, shocked and afraid, before scampering off. He’d gotten in a lot of trouble for that.

The animals knew him now; he didn't even have to reach out first to get them to approach anymore. They sat with him, perched on his shoulder or head, or rested in his lap and let him pet them. When he could, he’d sneak little snacks from the kitchens for the creatures that were more his friends than the other padawans had ever been. They seemed to appreciate that.

Today, he had a small, brown bird perched on his shoulder, pecking at his padawan braid while Ben giggled softly at the sensation. A tumble bunny lay relaxed in his lap, this one pale pink, as Ben stroked over its silky soft ears. There were more creatures nearby; Ben could sense them. A type of rodent with a slim body and a long, bushy tail had come and gone since he’d arrived. Another bird was sitting atop the rock Ben leaned back against. There was a fox in the distance, watching the display, but Ben sent it a suggestion to not eat his companions.

Just the same as he’d thought years ago, this was peace. Here, everything was so quiet and calm and beautiful. He spent hours here sometimes, occasionally only realized he’d missed a lesson because Luke had come to scold him. Here, there was nothing but himself and the serenity and simplicity radiating from the small minds around him. No other padawans, no Luke, no strange voice inside his head he tries not to listen to; no expectations or failure to meet them, only pure existence.

The reminder of the voice, however, soured Ben’s contentment. Over the years, as his strength in the Force grew, he’d started hearing a raspy whisper in his mind. It had started shortly after the tumble bunny incident, though he suspected it was unrelated. He’d told Luke about it after the first few times, and Luke had pursed his lips for a moment before reassuring Ben and telling him not to worry. Sometimes that happened, he said, Ben just had to not listen to the whispers. Luke had never really explained exactly what they were, only that it was very important he not listen, but Ben knew better than to keep asking. Luke’s explanations were always lacking.

But it was hard to tune the voice out when it continued for years, getting stronger as Ben did. Whispers promising him power, promising understanding, promising him that he could be better like he wanted to be. ‘I can help you’, it said, ‘you need a teacher, a proper one’, it told him. Ben took offense to that; he may not have liked a lot of the things Luke taught him, could never get his emotions to clear like Luke instructed him to, but Luke was a good man and he’d taught Ben a lot of things that did work. And Ben had figured out his own ways around what Luke said that he didn’t like; meditation didn’t work properly for him, but sitting in the woods with his animal friends did.

Ben shook his head, clearing away the thoughts and reached up with the hand that wasn’t still petting the rabbit in his lap to gently scratch the brown bird on the cheek in order to distract himself. It closed its eyes and rubbed against his finger, blissful in his attentions. Ben couldn’t help but smile. Luke may have wanted him to be friends with the others, but he had all the friends he needed right here.

* * *

The voice had a name, it turned out: Snoke, his new teacher and the one who gave him a new name as well. Kylo wasn’t sure exactly when the whispers in his mind had started to make sense, had started to feel _right_ – perhaps it was the reveal of his grandparantage, though Kylo didn’t know if it’d truly started beforehand – but once they did, he couldn’t turn back. Luke was wrong. The Jedi were wrong. So he’d killed them all, as Snoke had been telling him to for too long to count. Luke had survived, despite Kylo’s efforts, but that was alright. He’d get stronger, Snoke and his new knights would make him so, and then he would finish it.

This training, though… it was different. Jedi training had been hard and frustrating, while this was hard and it _hurt_. Kylo ached all over, covered in bruises and mild enough wounds. He was confused, sometimes, trying to find the balance between the Light he’d learned so long ago and the Dark he was only just embracing, but this was what his new master wished for him, so Kylo would do it. Luke was wrong; that’s why the boy Kylo had killed with the others had never been able to live up to Luke’s expectations. Snoke was right, and therefore Kylo could, and would, please him.

But that didn’t mean the new training was easy. Kylo’s head pounded, feeling dead on his feet, but he didn’t want to go to sleep. It was still light out, the days longer on this planet, and even a short nap might mean he wouldn’t sleep tonight, and then tomorrow would be that much worse. He had to distract himself somehow.

Kylo stepped out of the new temple he resided in and surveyed the land around him. It was cool, the middle of this planet’s autumn, and the trees nearby were starting to lose their leaves. Kylo found himself walking towards the trees, into the woods without really thinking about it. He hadn’t visited the woods since becoming Kylo. It seemed like something he should leave behind, yet his feet were carrying forward despite the weak protests from his mind and fatigued muscles alike.

Sometime later, Kylo was seated on a large rock beside a river, one much bigger than the little stream at Luke’s. The change from the barest trickle to the powerful rush of water before him seemed fitting. All that power and chaos, an upgrade from the weakness of before, and yet he found sitting here alone just as comforting as he had at that other place.

A flutter followed by familiar little tapping noises got Kylo’s attention. On a rock only a short distance away from him sat a black and white bird, eyes flicking over him with suspicion and curiosity. Kylo had never seen a bird like that before on the last planet. A small gust of wind had the bird puffing out its feathers and ruffling a bit before relaxing.

It must have been instinct at this point, for Kylo was reaching out with the Force towards the creature before he even knew what he was doing. It felt so natural, that soothing connection he’d gone so long without. The bird took a moment, assessing, before it hopped closer with a curious noise, faster than Kylo had learned to expect.

Kylo smiled, something he didn’t do often anymore. The birds mind felt different from those he’d seen before on his last planet; smarter, brighter, filled with almost-thoughts that were fascinating to experience. Kylo sent out another pulse of soothing energy and the bird hopped closer, close enough to touch. Experimentally, Kylo reached out and gently stroked the top of its head. The bird closed its eyes and made a rumbling noise in response. Kylo could feel the satisfaction coming from the bird and couldn’t help mirroring it as he petted the smooth feathers again.

Kylo remained there with the bird until darkness started to fall, reluctantly making his way back when he realized he truly needed to sleep soon if he had any hopes of surviving the next day. He wondered if any of the other knights had encountered these birds before. Did they ever try to commune with them as he did? Likely not. Surely, though, someone must have at least seen them before. Kylo got the feeling he shouldn’t ask, however, so when he turned in for the night he didn’t mention his encounter to anyone.

It was weeks later, weeks of spending what little spare time he had in the forest, befriending the creatures native to the planet, that Kylo was discovered. Another of the knights, Asha Ren, had found him there. The Master of Ren had ordered him to appear, it seemed, and Asha had been unengaged enough to come collect him. She was easy to spot, even from a distance, her dark robes and lavender skin contrasting with the forest around them.

If Asha was surprised to see Kylo surrounded by black and white birds, she didn’t show it and Kylo felt nothing coming off her. Then again, the knights were far better at guarding their minds than even Luke had ever been.

“They like you,” she said simply.

Kylo looked up from his perch on a rock, surprised the birds hadn’t fled at her approach. “They do. They trust me.”

Asha nodded, seemingly to herself. “They are clever birds. If you ever lose something shiny and there’s a window open nearby, there’s a good chance they’re responsible.”

Kylo nodded, glancing at the birds. He didn’t think they’d ever stolen from him. But then again, they seemed to think of him as one of them now. Perhaps they didn’t steal from their own.

Asha Ren stared off into the woods, seemingly lost in thought, before speaking again, “On my home planet, we had similar birds and they were regarded highly. It was believed they helped those who were lucky enough to befriend them, and should you be blessed to find one of their feathers, it was a sign of good fortune. Wearing such a feather was a bold statement: you were claiming to be as fearless as the birds themselves. Only our greatest warriors dared to do so.”

Kylo listened, rapt in the story. It was strange; he’d grown up without any such mystical beliefs beyond that of the Force, and the Force wasn’t exactly something you could not believe in once you’d experienced it. Anything else was considered mere superstition, not worth a second thought.

“What nobody seemed to notice, though, is that they almost exclusively eat the dead,” Asha continued, and Kylo glanced at the birds around him, imagining them with bloodied beaks. “They are creatures of death. It is fitting for ones such as us to enjoy their company.”

Asha then seemed to snap out of her reverie. “But that’s simply old superstition from a dead world. It means nothing now. Come, our Master is looking for you.”

She then turned without checking to see if Kylo would follow. He did, of course, unable to refuse his Master, bidding his avian companions farewell as he did so. The walk back was silent, giving Kylo time to digest Asha’s story. He would’ve been lying if he wasn’t intrigued and interested to know more, even if she’d said it was meaningless.

When he’d been deposited at their Master’s door, Asha had turned to leave, duty done. When she did, however, Kylo noticed something among the dark purple waves of her hair that stood out. He watched, realizing it was a black feather, matching the ones from the birds in the forest, tied in so perfectly it would’ve gone unnoticed had Kylo not been thinking about it. With that, Kylo turned his head back and stepped into the chamber, mind still spinning.

Years later, when Kylo proved himself and took over the mantle of the Master of Ren, the others swore their loyalties to him each with a small gift. It was tradition, they’d told him, a custom that could not be broken. When Asha Ren approached, a black feather was placed in his hands, bigger than the one she still wore. He nodded, remembering the story she’d told him about the birds he’d already visited for what was likely to be the last time, and tied it into his own hair to show his appreciation.

* * *

The Finalizer was a bleak place compared to being on a planet. He’d only been stationed aboard it for a few months when he started to miss the serenity he’d always been able to find in wild places. He’d seen no animals, either, nothing for him to commune with but other people, and the vast majority of them were terrified of him. Good. They should be.

That was, of course, except for General Hux. The man was infuriating at the best of times and, at the worst of times, Kylo was one uncontrolled impulse away from snapping his neck. But the man was too important to the Supreme Leader – his former teacher had taken a new title, too – so Hux was allowed to live. Kylo made the _choice_ to allow him to live – or, at least, that’s what he told himself.

“Ren,” oh, that patronizing tone Hux used only when speaking to Kylo always infuriated him, “are you prepared for the mission?”

He and the troopers were planning to depart in 10 minutes. Of course he was fucking ready.

“Yes, General,” he bit out behind the cover of his vocoder.

“Excellent. Let us get going, then,” Hux said, and it was only then Kylo realized he was dressed for the field.

“I wasn’t aware you were coming,” Kylo said before he could stop himself.

Hux rolled his eyes in that specific Hux way of doing so. “Of course I am. To know if this planet will be suitable for the construction of Starkiller base, I need to be there.”

He didn’t, really, Kylo thought. They were bringing a squadron of Stormtroopers to take measurements in various spots around the planet and Kylo was going because they were looking for a planet with a high concentration of kyber crystals that would be used to power the weapon. Hux could look over all of the data when they returned; there was literally no reason for him to come along aside from his own need for control.

But Kylo managed to bite all of that back. “Of course.”

The rest of the journey to the hangar was spent in silence, the two of them walking there together only because they were coming from and going to the same place as each other. Hux followed Kylo into the shuttle because of course he did, and the ride to the surface was equally as silent. Hux was doing something on a datapad and Kylo thought about his training while the pilot guided them down. He was getting stronger by the day, it seemed. Perhaps soon they’d find the last Jedi and he could truly complete his goal.

It wasn’t long before they were descending onto the planet itself, the viewports of the cockpit revealing tall, leafy trees. The planet wasn’t inhabited by any sentient races, which made it a strong candidate; its location made it extremely difficult to approach and no civilization had ever taken root naturally. Using a populated planet wasn’t out of the question, of course; it simply meant the populace would have to either be destroyed or integrated into the Order. Doable, but it would be significantly more work. Hux had already said he’d rather not spend the time and resources on that and, for once, Kylo had agreed.

The pilot managed to find a clearing and they landed, the transport of troopers following suit. Kylo was up and moving to the exit ramp before they’d even set down properly. His expertise in the Force was unfortunately required for this task, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be here. The sooner this was done with, the sooner he could return to more important matters.

Kylo strode down the ramp when it opened, taking in the land around them and paying no attention to Hux following shortly behind. He reached out with the Force, feeling for the telltale presence of kyber crystals. An answering hum, deep beneath, confirmed they were present, more concentrated than on any of the planets they’d found so far. Whether it would be enough, though, remained to be seen.

“This planet is rich in kyber crystals,” he said, and Hux dropped his attention from the forest around them to pay attention.

“Excellent,” Hux said, looking down at his datapad again. “See if there’s anything else you can find out, Ren. The measurements should be completed in an hour. Return by then.”

Kylo nodded and started off, shrugging off the contempt he had for Hux ordering him around like a subordinate. Really, Kylo never knew what else Hux meant for him to ‘find out’, so Kylo essentially spent these missions doing nothing useful. His purpose here was to confirm that the energy readings were, in fact, due to a strong concentration of kyber crystals and then to wait. It was an irritating use of his time when most of the mission was a waste of it, but the Supreme Leader had insisted he help.

He wasn’t sure how long he walked for, only that he was now far enough from the others that he had to work to sense their presences. Kylo took the opportunity to sit on a nearby log, removing his helmet. It was warm, here, not humid and swampy like many of the planets they’d surveyed, but simply comfortable. Kylo closed his eyes, pulling on the Force and letting the power around him resonate through his being. Connecting deeply to the Force on planets such as this was always particularly intense, given the force-attuned crystals in the core of the planet.

Kylo could still feel them, especially now, humming low and resonant. In the distance, he could feel the troopers and Hux again, little blips of life in the Force. Closer, though, there were the energies of the animals in the forest; insects, birds, mammals, and reptiles alike. The planet was dense with life, but truly wild – Kylo could _feel_ it, knew it better now than he did from reading the information off a report.

The cry of a nearby bird broke his concentration and Kylo briefly wondered if there were Force-sensitive animals on this planet. It was rare, but it happened, though the creatures were usually apex predators. Kylo had encountered vornskrs only once before – killing one on his own had been part of his initiation into the Knights of Ren. It wasn’t an experience he wished to repeat.

Experimentally, Kylo reached out to the bird, felt its mind. It was much like those black and white ones he’d found all those years ago, the ones who’s feather he still had as a memento from Asha Ren. Gently, he sent out a soothing wave, willing it to come closer. There was a moment of nothing, then a flutter of wings as it took off from a tree and landed on the log next to him, curious eyes examining him.

The bird was all black, feathers slick and shiny. It was big, too – roughly the same size as the hunting birds he’d seen in a different life. Kylo reached out and stroked over its great beak then into the soft feathers of its head. The bird cooed and fluffed itself, leaning forward into his touch. Kylo sent another suggestion to come closer and the bird followed, its mind soothed yet still curious.

Time passed and Kylo didn’t notice, sharing in the mind of the bird and stroking over its feathers. It’d been so long since he’d done this, he’d forgotten how pleasant it was to let his mind go and enjoy the simplicity of one so much more basic than his. It was soothing to be able to just not think for a time, just to experience the processes and almost thoughts that weren’t his. He’d have to find a way to replicate this on the Finalizer; he felt clearer now than he had in a long while.

The bird became agitated suddenly and Kylo sent another wave of relaxation towards it while looking for the source of its distress. Footsteps through the underbrush caught his attention and Kylo snapped his head towards where the intruder was coming from. Had one of the troopers gotten lost?

A flash of orange hair immediately revealed the trespassers identity. Kylo swallowed a groan of annoyance.

“Ren, it’s – what in the hells are you doing?” Hux said when he came into view, his expression switching from annoyed to perplexed in an instant.

“Nothing,” Kylo replied, too quickly, wishing he still had his helmet on – Hux’s knowledge of body language made it necessary in his presence.

“Why is there a giant bird sitting on your shoulder?” Hux asked, one eyebrow raised.

Kylo knew there was no way to explain this, so he tried to sound menacing as he said, “You wouldn’t understand.”

“You’re right there, Ren.” Hux crossed his arms, clearly waiting; Kylo sighed.

“I was talking to it.” Okay, that wasn’t exactly right, but that was the closest approximation to the mental link he’d build with it that he could think of.

“You were talking… to the bird,” Hux said, incredulous.

“With the Force, it’s – it’s not talking, not exactly. Just… sharing our minds. I can feel it… not quite thinking but. It’s close.”

“Of course,” Hux replied dismissively. “I never pegged you for the type to care about nature, Ren.”

“And what would you know about that, General?” Kylo asked, irritated. “You’re the one searching for the right planet to build a super weapon in.”

Hux looked like he was resisting rolling his eyes. “So? Do you even know why I always come along on the survey missions? You must have noticed I’m clearly not needed here.”

That took Kylo aback. He had noticed that, had always assumed it was just Hux being Hux – controlling and anal retentive, as always.

“We haven’t all had the adventurous life you were afforded. I’ve spent virtually my entire life on one starship or another. The very few memories I have of my home planet are filled with hiding indoors and then running through pouring rain to get to the next hiding place before the rebels found us.” Hux seemed lost in thought, looking almost wistful, and Kylo said nothing, not wanting to break this strange spell that seemed to have befallen them.

The pause stretched, Hux looking up at the trees surrounding them. “I don’t get to see this very often; you know how rarely I make it off-ship. But when I can go, I do. The rebels took sights like this away from me a long time ago. I refuse to let that continue now when the rare chance presents itself.”

Kylo just stared, unsure what to say in the face of such a personal confession. Briefly, he tried to imagine a life like that, one so opposite to his own, devoid of what had for many years been his only comfort in it all. He frowned when he found he couldn’t.

Hux never gave him a chance to think of a response, though, his face twisting from that strange, soft expression back to its usual mask. “Personal interests aside, however, we need to get moving. You were due back twenty minutes ago, Ren.”

Hux turned and walked away without another word, not waiting to see if Kylo would follow. Which he did, after sending the bird on its way. He was still considering Hux’s words, feeling oddly sorry for him and his deprived existence. Still, that didn’t explain why he had a flash of a strange urge to try to make it so Hux was able to see more planets in the future.

* * *

“Are you doing that thing you do with Millicent again?” Hux asked as he stepped into the room, setting his datapad down and beginning to shed the outer layers of his uniform.

Kylo was on Hux’s bed, the orange cat purring contentedly on his chest. Kylo could feel his own eyes struggling to flutter all the way open. He’d been waiting for Hux for longer than he could remember, frustrated by the man’s lack of appearance. Millicent’s mind, however, was a very relaxing place. He liked connecting with her even better than with the birds from years ago.

Hux had been outraged when he’d first caught Kylo doing it, certain he was hurting his beloved pet somehow. It’d taken a lot of explanation – and a week spent in his own quarters with only his own hand for company – before Hux had let him back in again. It’d taken longer still for Hux to allow Kylo to do this. When Hux wasn’t here, Kylo would sometimes spend the time waiting in Hux’s – though, really, it was kind of _theirs_ now – quarters using the Force to connect with Millicent. She was the smartest animal he’d ever done it with and he found her mind a more pleasant place to stay than any other he’d encountered so far.

“I was lonely,” Kylo said, pouting a bit on purpose. “You’re late.”

“Yes, Ren, I am late. And you know that I will sometimes have to be.” Hux was down to his undershirt now, bending to plant a kiss to Kylo’s temple.

Kylo hummed, his connection with the purring ball of fur still curled on him breaking as Hux got more and more of his attention.

“Are you done now, though?” he asked, unabashed.

Hux let out the long-suffering sigh Kylo was getting very used to hearing. “Yes, Ren, I’m finished for today. Stars know you’d die if you went a whole day without my attention.”

The words were harsh, but Hux’s eyes were soft now when he said them. It’d been like that for months and Kylo found he didn’t mind the insults so long as Hux kept looking at him like that. It made his chest do something funny.

“I could show you,” Kylo said suddenly, the words coming out the second the idea hit his brain. “What I do with Millicent, I mean.”

Hux stared at him, somewhere between confused and skeptical. “Wouldn’t that mean entering my mind? Something I explicitly told you _not_ to do?”

“It… would,” Kylo admitted. “But we’d be in Millicent’s mind too. It’s not the same as whatever you’re thinking.”

Hux didn’t look convinced. “The answer is no, Ren. My head is the one place you’re not allowed, with Millicent or not. Now, have you eaten? I’m getting a droid to bring up dinner for me.”

Kylo tried not to feel too dejected at the refusal; he should’ve known Hux wouldn’t want to share in this. They had the normal versions of connection and Kylo couldn’t deny he did feel close to Hux like he wanted to. He just also knew how much closer they could be, how _intimate_ it would be to share in such an experience. Hux was becoming more open-minded about the Force, but this was apparently still off the table.

Instead of pushing it like he wanted to, though, Kylo simply huffed, told Hux he wouldn’t mind eating, and let the conversation drop.

Weeks later, Hux informed the crew that they’d received a distress call from the secondary fleet; they’d come together for a strategy meeting and now were under attack and needed assistance. Kylo moved immediately to his shuttle, waiting for the order to deploy once they were out of hyperspace. The anxiety of the nearby TIE pilots and the rest of the crew likely would’ve been palpable even to someone blind to the Force and Kylo let himself feel it, let it work into him and channeled it for strength. He did not want to fail.

When they arrived, however, they found nothing but wreckage, the great skeletons of broken ships from both sides being the only things to greet them. The battle was over and it didn’t look like either side had won; though, if there were any survivors from the secondary fleet, they certainly didn’t appear to be here.

Kylo couldn’t provide any assistance with this, so he returned to Hux’s quarters in lieu of venting his frustration on any part of the Finalizer. Hux would be stressed when he returned and Kylo knew better than to push him after something like this. The situation was undoubtedly far more frustrating for Hux than it was for Kylo.

Without remembering falling asleep, Kylo awoke with a start to the sound of the door whispering open. He blinked blearily in the dimness of the room, sitting up enough to see Hux come in looking like a wreck. Millicent stirred from her position, curled in the crook between Kylo’s thighs and stomach, and jumped down to investigate the situation.

Kylo watched Hux strip himself sluggishly, wanting to ask if he was alright but already knowing the answer.

“Did you find anything?” he asked, instead.

Hux sighed. “One star destroyer and a handful of smaller ships survived. The smaller ships took cover in the wreckage and the destroyer played dead. Powered down everything except for life support, cleared out a full sector and then set off an explosion in it. That’s all we have left of the secondary fleet.”

Hux sounded worn out and hollow and Kylo wished there was something he could do. “And the Resistance?”

A sound that might have been a dry chuckle. “They escaped with barely more ships than we did. That’s the bright side, I suppose.”

Hux moved towards the refresher, then, stripped down to just his underwear. Kylo waited, mulling over what Hux had told him. How had the Resistance even found the secondary fleet? How had they known just when to attack, such that all of the ships were together? The longer he thought about it, the worse it looked. Hux had likely run through all of the unpleasant implications already, feeling them like a weight on his chest. The consequences of this attack would reach far beyond simple rebuilding.

Footsteps padding over from the refresher brought Kylo out of his thoughts and he shifted over to make room for Hux in the bed. Hux slid right up against Kylo, almost clinging. Distress and exhaustion poured off of him and Kylo rubbed one hand over his back, trying his best to soothe. Usually it was Hux holding and calming him, not the other way around.

They stayed like that for a time, neither one of them even trying to sleep. Hux looked completely drained and Kylo had half a mind to use the Force to knock him out just to make sure he finally got some rest. Before he could, though, Millicent jumped up onto the bed, setting in close to Hux on the other side.

Another few minutes passed like that, and Hux whispered something so quiet Kylo missed it.

“What?”

“Can you show me?” Hux said, voice thin and strained.

“Show you what?” Kylo didn’t understand.

“What you do. With Millicent, I mean.” Hux paused, seeming to struggle with the words. “You said it was relaxing, once. And I…”

Kylo shushed him with a gentle kiss to his temple. “I can show you. But you need to let me in. Can you do that?”

Hux nodded, and Kylo reached out first to Millicent. It was easy, practically second nature at this point, and she welcomed him, purring contentedly once the connection was established. He then reached for Hux, hoping this would actually work. He’d never done this with a person the way he did it with animals. It was… different.

Predictably, Hux fought it instinctually, but then relented to the warm, calming feeling Kylo sent towards him. Slowly, carefully, he felt their minds connect, felt Hux join the hum of his and Millicent’s minds. It was – oh, it was so much better than he thought it’d be. He could feel every one of Hux’s surface thoughts and he loved it immediately, even if they were all restless and scrambling, bleeding sharp anxiety into the meld. Kylo knew he could dig deeper, if we wanted, could see _everything_ , but he wouldn’t. He didn’t want to risk losing this.

Hux gasped when he felt it, his whole body stiffening and then relaxing. It was completely alien to him, so strange, and Kylo knew because he could feel it in his own mind. He could feel Hux pressed against him but also how Hux felt _him_ , and Millicent beyond that. It was almost overwhelming, the dual sensations muddling into one, large _whole_ instead of two individuals.

They didn’t need Millicent, Kylo thought, though the undercurrent of her simple, soft contentment was pleasant. But Kylo would have loved to do this with just Hux. Perhaps one day they would – he could feel Hux thinking that he rather liked it, could feel the tension easing out of him with an ease he’d never experienced before with any other method of coping. The messy thoughts of the future and what they were going to do now flickered steadily into nothingness, overtaken by the calmness coming from Kylo and Millicent.

It wasn’t long before Hux relaxed enough to fall asleep, still connected. He dreamed of nothing substantial, just disembodied colours and sensations shifting around in his mind. Kylo didn’t cut off the connection, wanting to see more of it. It was even better, he thought, to share this with another person, someone he actually liked and trusted. It was a different appeal – Hux’s mind was anything but simple, he didn’t need to pry it completely open to know that – but it was calming in its own way. With both Millicent and Hux connected to him, Kylo found himself wanting to do anything but go back to sleep despite the relaxation dragging him towards it.

They’d do this again, he was sure, so he let himself close his eyes, slowly and gently severing the connection. Hux had liked it, so there was no reason not to. He may not admit it in the morning, once he was less vulnerable, but Kylo _knew_. He almost wished he’d known how jusrt great it would be to connect to another person like that earlier, but he also knew he’d never really wanted to do so with anyone before Hux. Before he had a chance to contemplate it further, however, Kylo drifted off to sleep as well, relaxed and warm in a way he’d never truly experienced before.

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me on [tumblr](http://kyluxtrashpit.tumblr.com) too


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